Ok. so i have been thinking about what you said the other day. about 'not sure if we could last' if you went on to Wyoming. I want you to read this with good attention please. don't jump to conclusions until you've read through it completely (and even then think through it). I'm not declaring or insinuating that any actions be made on our relationship; I am simply talking philosophy here. My aim is to hopefully address the main concern with your decision making (and mine) and hopefully help you make things more clear. relationships can be difficult sometimes. This is my thought:
First question is what's the big rush? and then i begin thinking and perhaps there isn't a rush at all, but just a fear of 'falling out'. Perhaps, a "loss of intimacy". That gets me thinking. Is a relationship only made on intimacy? But let me, in my tiredness, lay down all my thoughts on the subject.
Firstly, it makes me wonder the function of a relationship. What is it there for? Comfort, companionship, etc. But what happens to the function when those "components" (ie comfort, intimacy) are taken away or stretched thinly? Perhaps it is in knowing that in the end, those things will be there waiting for you. However, if a trust is not insured between two people, then doubts arise. Also, the necessity of these "components" may cause for the need of fulfillment sooner than it can occur. My position on this is vague. Of course i get urges, it is natural. But as it is, I am usually trying to curb that enthusiasm anyways. for me, distance is dreadful, for i see the immediate function of a relationship taken away and causing a relationship (at first glance) to be lacking largely. But here is where I reassure myself: i am a devotee, a man of loyalty. If waiting is what it takes, then I shall challenge myself. as it is, what is this "running from girl to girl" really mean? to me, it is weakness, and i only tolerate that in small doses...
I wonder if it is that you don't trust me or trust yourself. if it was one year from now that we were to finally meet again, is the reason (if) we broke up because the function of the relationship becomes meaningless? what is the difference between four months and six months? and even if you did decide to cut off now, because "it's only been one month and you miss me so", would that missing stop? sure it might be sooner alleviated, but still, we have attachments. and because of our particular situation, the only way I can understand any type of fissure of relationship is that you fear that the intimacy will have all but evaporated by the time we join hands again. Because if this is not the case, if you don't fear this, then what is the point of breaking up then? are you going to settle in London with someone? probably not. Or what about Wyoming? Maybe, but I'm guessing your not going there to find someone...
all this distance seems like a veil of confusion, throwing a wrench in the gears of our beliefs. but really the gears and the wrench are an illusion: you must simply decide whether i am worthy of waiting for. Is the relationship serious to you or is it sacrificial? Are you serious about us? I remember asking Diego the other day: "What would you sacrifice for your daughter? But really, what would you not sacrifice for your daughter?" Our situation is simple, and I pose that question for your own reflection.
Hopefully, I hope I'm being some help. If this confuses you, just ignore it. We can talk about it. But give it some thought before responding. Like I said, my opinion is obscure, but is does not mean that I am unsure. My expression is vague on purpose, but the truth does not lie in our words, but in our actions.
A.
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